It’s three weeks into your college freshman’s first semester and you get the phone call.   Your phone rings at 2:00 a.m. and your student is in total meltdown mode.  He hates school, is overwhelmed academically, he has no friends, the food stinks, etc.  College was an epic mistake.  Parent panic mode sets in.  You should have made him stay home and commute to a local college.  He should have taken a year off before jumping in to a major university.  You are ready to leave home immediately, drive to Huntington and collect him and his things.  You are up half of the night worrying about him.

Hold the phone…you are NOT alone!  This phone call is normal.  Parents all over the world are receiving the same call.  We want you to be prepared for that call, even if it never comes.  Here are suggestions on how to handle a miserable college freshman:

• Don’t panic.
  Remember that this is a normal phase in the adjustment to college. While it may not happen for every student, or will happen to differing degrees for different students, once the initial “honeymoon” phase is over, many students go through a period of adjustment to the reality of college life.
• Listen.
  It is possible that all your student really needs is a sympathetic ear.  She knows that you are her home base and her foundation and that she can count on you. She may just need to vent. Let her talk it out. As difficult as it may be, just listen.
• Remain calm.
  No matter what your student is telling you, no matter how upset your student may be, she needs you to be calm right now. She needs you to be the strong one. Don’t escalate the situation or her feelings. No matter what your emotions may be doing at this moment, try to stay calm and be a neutralizing force.
• Empathize and support your student.
  Let him know that you understand what he is telling you. Let him know that you are there and will continue to be there no matter what. He knows this, but he may need to hear it again right now.
• Don’t trivialize what your student is telling you.
  As you think about how to respond to your student, don’t try to make her feel better by trivializing what she is telling you.  “I’m sure it can’t be that bad,” may sound helpful on the surface, but you are telling her that her feelings or reactions are wrong and out of proportion to the situation. Right now things may be that bad for her.  Validate what she is feeling.
• Try to determine the exact problem.
  Is her dissatisfaction general (with everything having to do with college), or is there a specific issue that is upsetting her? Ask her to try to tell you exactly what the problem is. In trying to describe it, she may realize that it is one specific issue – and then together you may be able to come up with a solution for that issue. Or as she describes a specific issue in detail she may discover for herself that it really isn’t as big an issue as it seemed.
• Don’t jump in to rescue your student.
  As parents, our natural tendency is to want to fix things and make everything better for our child. Remember that self-confidence and independence are important goals for your college student. Although he may be asking you for help, the help that your student needs right now is probably not for you to head to school or pick up the phone to make it all better. Resist the impulse to take charge and encourage your student to advocate on his own behalf.
• Ask your student what can be done to make the situation better.
  If she has been able to describe the problem specifically, she may be able to begin to think about how it can be fixed. If she is worried about having no friends, ask her to brainstorm with you some ideas about how to meet some new people, or how to find others with similar interests. If she is worried about her schoolwork, ask whether it is a specific class or all classes. Ask about academic support services or whether there is a student in class who   can help. Remember, Marshall offers free tutoring to ALL students and there are study rooms with computers available 24 hours a day, located in Drinko library.
• Help him develop an action plan.
  Don’t let your student feel like a victim at the mercy of the situation. Help him think about specific things that he can do once he hangs up the phone. He may be able to work toward fixing the problem, or at least he may be able to think about how he will cope with his feelings right now.
• Suggest that your student sleep on it
  Talk to you again tomorrow or in a couple of days.  Often, as parents, we lie awake all night worrying, while our student goes to sleep and then moves on the next morning while we are still worrying.  Things may look very different in the light of day. Don’t dismiss the problem, but ask your student to give it time and then talk to you about it again later.
• Encourage her to make use of help that is available on campus.
  Has she explored help from her residence assistant, the counseling center, the tutoring center, the student activities office, her advisor or a sympathetic professor?
• Be positive.
  Continue to speak positively about the college and the college experience.  Let your student know that you understand her feelings, but that overall the college is a good place and the experience of being at college is important and is good for most students. Don’t buy in to her negativity.  Your response and your attitude will send an important message to your student.

This phone call is going to be difficult for you and your student.  Remember, you can ALWAYS call or email Vanessa Myers, the Director of Parent Resources, to discuss the problem and find out what resources are available.   We encourage you to empower your student to act on his or her own behalf.  We can put the resources in your hands, so you can give your student the power to take action.

This post was adapted from www.collegeparentcentral.com, a great online resource for parents.

Leave a comment and discuss what you plan to do with your brand new world.

1. Home:
Student should call home on a regular basis, but more importantly, someone else will be able to reach you in case of an emergency.

2. Marshall University Police Department:   
(304) 696-4357 (6HELP)
In case of any emergency, your student should have this number saved in his or her cell phone.  This will decrease panic and increase response time in a crisis situation.

3. Marshall University Student Health:
(304) 691-1100
A student won’t feel like searching out a phone number when he or she is sick.  Suggest that they save this number and you will be getting a big “thank you” from your college student.

4. Professors:
Most professors include their office phone number on the syllabus.  If your student has easy access to these numbers, he or she will be more likely to call with an academic question or problem.  Faculty members like to be aware of a problem sooner, rather than later.

5. Office of Student Affairs:
(304) 696-6422
With access to the Dean of Student Affairs, student advocacy, counseling, and a variety of other great services, the Office of Student Affairs will be able to answer any question your student may have. 

6. Student Resource Center
(304) 696-5810
The Student Resource Center can assist your student with anything!  Saving this number will be the best decision a student can at Marshall University!

Suggest these numbers to your student.  He or she will be an expert on Marshall University in no time!

Is it really a week?
No, Week of Welcome just sounds cool and we pack a week’s worth of material into just a few days!  Week of Welcome begins on Wednesday, August 17^th, when your student moves into his or her residence hall and ends on Saturday, August 20^th. 

Is there anything for parents to do?
Yes!  You are an integral part in helping your student move in and get adjusted to their new living space.  Read last week’s blog post to get some tips on how to handle moving day!  In addition, all family members are invited to attend the family picnic on Wednesday, August 17^th from 5:30 – 7:30 p.m. on the Henderson South Field.  This is your moment to say “see ya later!”

What do WOW and UNI 100 have in common?
Your student’s attendance at WOW is REQUIRED for the completion of UNI 100.  To get the UNI 100 credit, students must attend the workshops, plenary sessions, and activities associated with WOW.  These take place on Thursday, August 18^th and Friday, August 19^th.  After your student attends WOW, he or she will have to complete a few online modules to receive the one hour of credit.  Remind your student to complete these modules!  This will be the first class that your student will complete at Marshall University. 

What should my student wear to WOW events?
Students should dress for a fun time!  Your student will receive a t-shirt during WOW registration check-in that should be worn to the WOW events.  However, comfortable clothes and layers are the best option because room temperatures may vary. 

WOW is a great way for your student to connect to MU on a personal level.  Encourage your student to participate with an open mind and get ready for an exciting, life-changing college experience.  If you have any questions regarding WOW or UNI 100, please contact the Student Resource Center at 304-696-5810 or src@marshall.edu.  See you there!

Move-In Day Arrives

• Be prompt.  Marshall Univeristy Housing and Residence Life assigned your son or daughter a specific move-in time.  These scheduled times allow the day to move smoothly, so please be on time.  This will avoid any unnecessary complications.
• Be prepared for a chaotic day.   Be prepared.  Be flexible.  Be patient.
• Be prepared for high tensions.  This is a difficult day for everyone.  Try to be patient with one another.
• Ask questions about the proceduce.  The staff have given a lot of thought into creating the most effecient process.  Following directions will make the most of that process.
• Let your student take the lead in dealing with issues and questions.  Let your student take this opportunity to begin his or her new life and take charge.
• Delegate.  Does your student need an ethernet cord from the bookstore?  Anyone can buy that.  Hungry?  Send a sibling or parent to take care of snacks.

Move-In Day Continues

• Help your student think about choosing his bed, closet, or side of the room.  Students may want to wait for his or her roommate to arrive to talk about this decision.  It is possible to alienate a roommate by making these decisions without input from both parties. 
• Introduce yourself to your student’s roommate and family.  Exchange contact information.  Having another family to talk to can be reassuring.
• Make sure your student completes a room damage form.  Encourage him or her to complete it carefully.  Upon move-out, the room will be checked for damages and your student could be charged for damage that has occurred.  This damage form ensures that your student will not be charged for imperfections in the room that occurred before he or she lived there.
• DO NOT set up the room.  Let your student make his or her own decision in regards to decorating.  This is best done with a roommate.  Remember, this is your student’s space, not yours.

 After Move-In

• Be prepared for some discomfort and awkwardness.  This is a milestone moment for your family and no one knows how to act.  Don’t expect any specific reaction. 
• Enjoy the family picnic…as a way of saying “see you later.”  This year it is scheduled for Wednesday, August 17 from 5:30 – 7:30 p.m. 
• Don’t linger.  After the picnic, all students will attend their first floor meeting in their residence hall.  It is important that your student arrives on-time.  If families linger, it may cause an awkward situation for the student.  Let them settle in! 
• Don’t expect certain emotions.  Your student may be aloof and distant when you are departing.  This may be a way to deal with the emotions that he or she is feeling.  If your student becomes emotional, be supportive and patient. 

Move-in day is a huge step in your college student’s life.  Now you can focus on your own transition. 

*This information was adapted from an article produced by College Parents of America.  (www.collegeparents.org)